Who Is Harry Shum Jr. Dating? Inside His Marriage to Shelby Rabara

Harry Shum Jr. isn’t dating anyone — he’s been married for over a decade. The Glee and Grey’s Anatomy actor has been with his wife, Shelby Rabara, since 2007, and the pair tied the knot in Costa Rica in November 2015. They share one daughter, Xia, born in 2019, and they even co-wrote a children’s book together. With Shum now competing on Dancing With the Stars alongside pro dancer Jenna Johnson, plenty of viewers have started wondering about his love life — but Rabara has been by his side the whole time, and by all accounts, she’ll be cheering him on from the audience rather than watching from afar.

Key Takeaways

• Harry Shum Jr. has been with Shelby Rabara, an actress and dancer, since 2007.
• The couple got engaged in October 2013 while on holiday in Hawaii, and married two years later in Costa Rica.
• They welcomed a daughter, Xia, in March 2019, and have kept her out of the public eye.
• Shum’s Dancing With the Stars partner, Jenna Johnson, is a professional dance partner for the show — not a romantic connection.
• Rabara is known for voicing Peridot in Steven Universe and Snappy in Toy Story 5.
• The couple co-wrote a children’s book, Martee Dares to Dance, released in 2024.

A Relationship That Started Long Before Fame

Shum and Rabara’s story goes back further than most people realise. They met around 2006 and started dating the following year, well before Glee turned Shum into a household name playing Mike Chang. As it happens, it was Rabara who nudged him toward auditioning for the show in the first place — she’d already filmed the pilot and came home raving about it, which apparently was enough to get him curious enough to try out himself.

That’s the kind of detail that tends to get lost once a couple becomes “a celebrity couple” — the ordinary, slightly mundane beginning before any of it mattered to the public. By the time Shum was cast as Magnus Bane in Shadowhunters, and later landed his current role as Dr Benson “Blue” Kwan on Grey’s Anatomy, Rabara had already been part of his life for years.

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Table: Harry Shum Jr. and Shelby Rabara’s Relationship Timeline

Why Fans Keep Asking About His Love Life

It’s a fair question, really. Every time an actor turns up on a competition show like Dancing With the Stars, there’s a professional dance partner involved, and audiences understandably wonder whether that closeness spills over into something else. In Shum’s case, his pro partner is Jenna Johnson, a two-time Mirrorball champion — but there’s no indication of anything beyond a working partnership there. If anything, Shum has leaned into how much he’s still learning from her, admitting in interviews that his years of dance experience haven’t made ballroom and Latin styles any easier.

There’s also the matter of Shum keeping such a low profile around his personal life generally. He and Rabara have never really turned their relationship into content — no dramatic proposal reveal, no public rows, nothing designed for headlines. Their daughter’s face has never appeared on his social media, which is a deliberate choice plenty of famous parents are now making to keep their kids out of the spotlight.

How the Marriage Has Lasted Nearly Two Decades

Speaking to People ahead of his Dancing With the Stars debut, Shum touched on what’s kept the relationship going for so long, describing it as something that shifts depending on what phase of life they’re in. He talked about the two of them figuring out, almost through trial and error, what the other person needs at any given moment — sometimes through conversation, sometimes through simply giving each other space.

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He also mentioned the importance of not letting the relationship shrink down to parenting logistics — making time to feel like a couple again rather than just co-managers of a household. It’s a fairly grounded way to talk about marriage, especially from someone whose day job involves playing out fictional romances on screen.

What This Means Going Forward

With Grey’s Anatomy now in its 23rd season and Shum juggling a Dancing With the Stars run on top of it, his schedule isn’t exactly light. But nothing about his current workload suggests any change to his relationship status. If anything, competing on a show built around performance and vulnerability seems to have given him a reason to talk more openly about his marriage than he usually does — which, for someone this private, is saying something.

FAQs

Q. Is Harry Shum Jr. single?

A. No. He’s been married to Shelby Rabara since November 2015 and the couple has been together since 2007.

Q. Who is Harry Shum Jr.’s wife?

A. Shelby Rabara, an American actress and dancer best known for voicing Peridot in Steven Universe and Snappy in Toy Story 5.

Q. Is Harry Shum Jr. dating his Dancing With the Stars partner?

A. No. Jenna Johnson is his professional dance partner for the competition, not a romantic partner. She’s a two-time Mirrorball Trophy winner.

Q.  Does Harry Shum Jr. have children?

A. Yes, one daughter named Xia, born in March 2019. The couple has kept her out of the public eye.

Q. How long have Harry Shum Jr. and Shelby Rabara been together?

A. Nearly 20 years as a couple, including almost 11 years of marriage as of late 2026.

Sources and References

• Just Jared — Who Is Harry Shum Jr. Dating? Meet Wife Shelby Rabara, His Partner of Nearly 20 Years!
• Just Jared — Who Is Harry Shum Jr.’s Wife? He’s Been With Shelby Rabara for Nearly 20 Years!
• TV Insider — All About Harry Shum Jr.’s Wife Shelby Rabara Ahead of His ‘DWTS’ Run
• People (via AOL) — Harry Shum Jr. Reveals Secret to His Decade-Long Marriage to Shelby Rabara
• E! News — Dancing With the Stars Season 35 Cast: Julia Stiles, Harry Shum Jr., More
• Wikipedia — Harry Shum Jr.

This article reflects publicly available information as of September 2026.